King Ralph

Lyrics:

He rolled into town with a six-pack grin,
Brown bag buzz and a fistful of sin.
Said, “If you can’t drink and lead, what’s the point?”
Lit a chub, cracked a brew, cuz he owned the joint.

“Don’t like it here? There’s the Greyhound line,”
One-way tickets, were his welfare line
Tossed twenties at the poor like a charity game,
Then stumbled off, laughing—never felt shame.

(King Ralph!) Raise your glass up high,
Shotgun policy, budget bone-dry.
(King Ralph!) From oilfield dreams to alleyway scenes,
He ruled the West in denim and caffeine.
King Ralph! Alberta’s wildest son,
Lit cigars with legislation—called it fun.
King Ralph!

"Privatize it all," was the morning prayer,
Cut the cords, let ‘em freeze in the prairie air.
"Government’s bloated," he'd proudly shout,
While the rich cashed in, no doubt.

Told the unions, “Take a hike, boys,”
While lobbyists danced in golden noise.
And when the press came knockin’ for the truth,
He winked and said, “That’s just uncouth.”

(King Ralph!) Drunk on the reins,
Spillin’ cuts like beer on Calgary plains.
(King Ralph!) From flat-rate charm to tabloid fame,
He turned the dome into a drinking game.
(King Ralph!) With a mic and a flask,
Politics wrapped in a Halloween mask.
(King Ralph!)

"I ain't apologizing... If you're lookin' for sympathy, it's in the dictionary between shit and syphilis!"*
— The Bard of Booze himself.

Midnight rants on live TV,
“Get a job!” was his symphony.
No filter, no prep, just pure Klein-ese,
A populist king with a cold disease.

(King Ralph!), Long may he reign,
With a flask full of fire and a runaway train.
(King Ralph!) Raise a toast to the chaos, the charm, the clout,
The legend who drank his legacy out.
(King Ralph!) Alberta’s folk tale loud,
Still echoin’ in every rowdy crowd.
(King Ralph!)

Now the oil still burns and the stories flow,
Of the man who ruled with a whiskey glow.
So raise a glass, let the past resound—
King Ralph, never let us down.

(King Ralph!)

"I don’t think she ever did have a Conservative bone in her body. Well, except for one."